As Tester & Jones marks 20 years in business, one of the things we are most proud about is our wonderful Bereavement Group (the BGs). Glenys officially launched the BGs 15 years ago this month but, before this, we always recognised the importance of continuing to be there for our families after a funeral has taken place.
Quite often in the early days, somebody would knock on the door and we’d invite them to stay for a cup of tea or perhaps they were popping in to talk about a memorial or to collect their loved one’s ashes. After a while, we realised there was a real need there to create something more structured.
“People would open up to us about how they were feeling after the death of a loved one, saying they didn’t want to burden their family, particularly if they were feeling low too,” says Glenys. “BGs started out small but, from the very beginning, we saw friendships developing and watched people talk about the loved one they had lost, confident they were in a safe space and also comfortable that they were talking to somebody who was in a similar position.”
Now we have two groups. One is smaller and meets at St John’s Church Hall, while we have our monthly Saturday morning meetings too at the Oasis Centre. As well as providing friendship and support, we also share tools for coping with grief, as well as more practical talks on dealing with finances in those early days and even home DIY tips.
The Saturday morning group often has a speaker and Glenys takes the time to secure some really fascinating ones, as well as talking to members between the meetings and making sure that the families we support are invited to join the BGs.
Talks recently have been about the Ashdown Forest and Wills and LPAs, while over the years, there have been sessions from Raystede Centre for Animal Welfare; the Fire Brigade (on keeping safe at home); nutrition and wellbeing; and a talk from a retired policeman about his life in the force, as well as lots more.
Glenys continues: “The BGs – which now has more than 100 members - is a truly amazing group of people; existing members are fantastic at welcoming and supporting newer members and some lovely friendships have developed. They comfort each other and offer support at times when it’s needed and they also provide practical help. We often hear of members providing lifts to hospital appointments etc, while others join together for cinema visits and walks.”
Over the years we’ve arranged days out and theatre trips. Recently, the BGs have been to Sheffield Park, Penshurst Place and Standen. Last year, they went to the Christmas market at Winchester and there are plans to visit the festive market at Bournemouth this year. More recently, the BGs have enjoyed some holidays away together, with a late summer few days in Sidmouth in the calendar next month.
“We also always have a Christmas lunch which gives us a chance to share thoughts of Christmas days gone by and enjoying celebrating with other people in the same situation,” says Glenys.
Members have told us:
“The BGs means having somebody by your side to hold your hand and enable you to take a few tentative steps once again. You will fall along the way but there is somebody to catch you. I don’t feel alone now, as I know there are people here in this town who truly care about me.”
“Accepting that first invitation to the BGs was the best thing I ever did and I always look forward to our meetings. It has been my saviour and I don’t know where I’d be without it. There are tears – and that’s fine – but there are laughs as well. We all owe so much to Glenys for creating the Tester & Jones Bereavement Group. Honestly, it’s just like having a big pair of wings wrapped around you.”
“If it wasn’t for BGs, there are some members who possibly might not go out socially, so it’s fantastic that Glenys organises this group. I think we’ve all become a little stronger, more independent and more confident as a result of BGs.”
“New people are always welcomed and immediately accepted into the fold. I look forward to our meetings and thoroughly enjoy them. We are not a gloomy bunch, we laugh and have fun. It is all about helping each other to come to terms with our new lives, our different selves and taking forward steps."
“It’s a great bunch of people and I’ve enjoyed getting involved. I’m quite a busy chap but there are some members who rarely leave the house and for them this group is invaluable. Due to way of the world, there are more ladies than men, so I make a point of encouraging chaps to keep coming along once they’ve started, as it’s a fantastic group.”
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